Vince Stanton attempts Troublemaker during the Professional Bull Riders Atlanta Classic at the Georgia Dome.
From Wikipedia
Active listening is a communication technique that requires the listener to understand, interpret, and evaluate what they hear. Listening actively can improve personal relationships by reducing conflicts, strengthening cooperation, and fostering understanding. When interacting, people often do not listen attentively. They may be distracted, thinking about other things, or thinking about what they will say next (the latter case is particularly true in conflict situations or disagreements). Active listening is a structured way of listening and responding to others, focusing attention on the speaker. Suspending one’s frame of reference, suspending judgment, and avoiding other internal mental activities are essential to attend to the speaker fully. “The Most Dangerous Eight Seconds in Sports” is how National Geographic writer Zoltan Istvan describes bull riding. Death is a real possibility for the bull rider. The bulls are 15 times the size of the rider. Imagine a defensive lineman in football being 15 times the quarterback’s size. One of my photography friends is also a bull-riding coach. His name is Maxy Pinson. When you meet Maxey, you see a well-dressed and groomed elderly gentleman. He is from Oklahoma and was a scientist for the oil industry in his earlier career.
I was fascinated with Maxy’s career and interested in what a coach does to help a cowboy ride a bull. What he teaches these bull riders parallels what we need to know about being a good listener. Maxy teaches the bull rider to focus his “full attention” on the bull’s head. “The bull’s head will let you know what the bull is doing and going to do,” says Maxy. You cannot take your eye off it. You have to stay focused for 8 seconds to ride the bull. Active listening requires you to make eye contact and listen to understand the message, and not just hear the words. You cannot be distracted by whatever else is happening around you, or by forming counterarguments you’ll make when the other person stops speaking. Nor can you allow yourself to get bored and lose focus on what the other person is saying. All of these contribute to a lack of listening and understanding. You also need to communicate to the person you are listening. Sometimes just an “uh-huh” or nod will let them know you are listening. This isn’t saying you agree, but it communicates you are listening. An occasional question or comment to recap what they say
| WE REMEMBER 10% of what we read 20% of what we hear 30% of what we see 50% of what we hear and see 70% of what we discuss with others 80% of what we experience 95% of what we teach others–Edgar Dale |
The first step to becoming a better listener was acknowledging that my communication style has been less than stellar. While I was getting better at getting my ideas across as I matured, my relationships with people were not improving. I had to stop and evaluate my communication style. It needed an overhaul. I can see that the successes I have had in life have usually been when I practiced “active listening.” There are still many relationships where I need to implement these skills better. I have discovered that Edgar Dale is right. I remember more of what I needed to do to be more successful: write and share what I found on this blog. While you might get something out of the blog, the very nature of writing these posts has helped me improve in many ways.
If you don’t listen actively to those needing your attention, you will go down like a bull rider.