My parents, David and Bonita, when they were dating
Growing up, I watched my parents support one another. We hear that children do better when raised in a two-parent home.
Children raised in intact married families:
- are more likely to attend college
- are physically and emotionally healthier
- are less likely to be physically or sexually abused
- are less likely to use drugs or alcohol and to commit delinquent behaviors
- have a decreased risk of divorcing when they get married
- are less likely to become pregnant/impregnate someone as a teenager
Your business is like a child.
So just like children who benefit from a loving two-parent home, your business will flourish when your spouse is supportive of your business.
If you came to me about becoming a freelancer, I would ask you one of the first questions: “Is your spouse supportive of what you’re about to do?”
My biggest cheerleader and supporter is my wife, Dorie.
The difference between a supportive spouse and one who questions you all the time while you’re making business decisions can cost you your business.
Dorie’s father was an entrepreneur, and she is very comfortable with this role. However, not everyone grows up in an entrepreneur’s family. There is a vast difference in how your household life will be when you have an employer versus when you run your own business.
All the books on parenting emphasize the importance of both parents being on the same page when raising their children. As a result, you learn to support the other parent’s decision even if you disagree.
If you disagree, you talk about it, and the next time something comes up again, the game plan may be different, but that is because you discussed it.
Very little good comes from disagreeing with another parent’s decision in front of a child. It is not that this should never happen, but you understand the consequences of this disagreement when the other spouse decides you were not there.
It’s a Two-Way Street
There is a Bible verse that I think every couple and friendship needs to know. Romans 12:10 “love one another with brotherly affection; outdo one another in showing honor.”
Whatever your spouse feels passionate about, they need support in doing. Dorie has a calling to help journalists. Here is an article on her ministry to journalists.
Dorie also has a passion for helping the parents of The Citadel. She knows from firsthand experience that parents need more information on how to support their children. So she has created a blog to help those parents.
Earning Support
You cannot go to your spouse and say I need you to support me, and immediately get that support. But, I can tell you a secret about how you get it—Give It!
Here are some ways that you can first be supportive of your spouse:
- Respect your spouse’s personal/business decisions
- Demonstrate you have faith in them
- Please give them your shoulder on those days when they have a sinking feeling
- Work with your spouse on balance
- Celebrate your spouse’s successes
- Don’t try and Fix-it [As a male, I struggle with not trying to jump in and fix things]
- Listen well
- Be Truthful, Genuine, and Credible with your encouragement. But don’t embellish your comments of support.
Dorie has done an incredible job of making me feel like I can be a successful photographer. This support has been the essential key to the success of my business.
No Spouse
If you are not married and not even dating, you still will need some support from a community. I would encourage you to have a good friend who can offer some of the support that married people get from one another. You need some support, or you will find it more stressful than it should be.
The Foundation
When we think of building, we start with a foundation. There are two types of foundations: shallow and deep.
Both are there to provide firm support for the rest of the building.
I would argue that the foundation of my business comprises two components. The first is my faith in God, and the second is my spouse. Together, the two of these have interlocked to give the business what it needed to grow.
On top of the foundation, you need solid business practices and a portfolio that invites clients to work with you.
Supportive Discouragement
If your spouse has weaknesses you think could lead to disaster, encourage them to either take classes to learn more about it or outsource that area of the business. Perhaps you, as the spouse, want to help them because this might be something you are skilled in.
Don’t tell them they are going to fail. Instead, tell the spouse how they will be successful if they address what you think might be holding them back.
Seek out wisdom
The best time to seek the wisdom of others is before you start your business, not after. Start by talking to your spouse about your dream. Find a good mentor/coach, and remember to listen. If you find little or no support, this is a good sign that you need to assess your friends’ and spouse’s concerns.
Be a good parent as well.
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| Our daughter Chelle |
I am very proud of my daughter and love to talk about all she does to anyone who will listen. She loves the theater, and while most parents tell their children how difficult it is to be successful, we encourage our daughter. Sure, we don’t sugarcoat it, but we took her to Hollywood to see behind the scenes and see all the creative careers.
Encourage people to pursue their dreams. Remember that often chasing the goal leads to a very successful career, not always exactly as they dreamed. However, the chasing gets them to where they will be successful.
During the Emmy Awards Monday night, Jim Parsons’ thank you reminded me of how important support is in our success.
Jim Parsons won his fourth Emmy for his work on The Big Bang Theory. Parsons took the opportunity to thank his father in his speech. Mickey Parsons, he said, died before all of the craziness attached to Big Bang Theory began. He thanked his father for supporting him.
“He encouraged me to be an actor. He never discouraged me from being an actor, and in a career that hinges so much on confidence a lot of the time, that was a great gift,” Parsons said.
I highlighted the part because it is just as applicable to any of us. Support builds confidence.